Prayer as an Issue in Marriage

To have a successful marriage, it takes a healthy combination of prayers and actions, and at the same time you need prayer for wisdom to know the right action to take at every given time.

It is unfortunate that, most couple sees prayer as the least of the things to be taken seriously in their marital affairs, and this is one of the reasons why many marriages crash.

Both the Christians and Muslims believe in the power of prayer to correct every error in life, not excluding marital problems, and to put all things in proper order. But it is unfortunate that, the idea of praying over marital problems is not so important to many people, they’ll rather deal with it in our own way, which as a result leads to; arguments, anger, conflict, fight, separation or divorce.

However, believe it or not, it is my belief that everything in life needs prayer. Some people say, ‘you don’t pray when you need to act’. Does it mean that you just act and not pray? The truth here is, even before you act, whenever it is necessary you should ensure that you pray before you act, because you need God’s wisdom to act. Many people take action and end up regretting their actions, why did you have to wait until you regret taking an action, due to the mess you have caused, before you pray for wisdom to do the right thing.

In life, troubles come and troubles go, but the most important thing is how we deal with our problems. No one is free from one problem or the other. Life offers both the good and the bad. But often times, we underestimate the power in prayer to change the bad to good, the worse to better and the worst to best.

When a man and woman are unmarried, they tolerate each other, and the love they share is so strong, because expectations are limited, but once they become married they have high and unlimited expectations. The man would expect his wife to know some certain things and behave in a particular way, while the woman would still expect that things would remain the same, like the man’s ability to tolerate her character flaws and unrestrained behaviour.

In marriage, a man has the responsibility to pray for his wife, and vice versa. It is so easy for couples to complain about each other rather than pray for each other.  Basically, you should pray for wife as you will pray for yourself and the wife should do the same to her husband. If only couples can pray for each other more, especially concerning every matter that arises, they will surely not end up in friction. The change you desire in your spouse is only possible with God and not your effort or complaint “...For with God all things are possible” Mark 10:27.

A Praying Wife: 

For you to be a praying wife you have to be ready at all times to pray for him. "Pray without ceasing" (I Thessalonians 5:17). You have to determine to pray for him continuously regardless of how he treats you or how you feel about him. 

Stormie Omartian stated in her book titled The Power of a Praying Wife:

“When my husband, Michael, and I were first married and differences arose between us, praying was definitely not my first thought. In fact, it was closer to a last resort. I tried other methods first such as arguing, pleading, ignoring, avoiding, confronting, debating, and of course the ever-popular silent treatment, all with far less than satisfying results. It took some time to realize that by praying first, these unpleasant methods of operation could be avoided.”  

... I confess that even after all these years, I am still learning about this and it doesn’t come easy. While I may not have as much practice doing it right as I have had doing it wrong, I can say without reservation that prayer works.

Unfortunately, I didn’t learn how to really pray for my husband until I started praying for my children. As I saw profound answers to prayer for them, I decided to try being just as detailed and fervent in praying for him. But I found that praying for children is far easier. From the first moment we lay eyes on them, we want the best for their lives—unconditionally, wholeheartedly, without question.

But with a husband, it’s often not that simple—especially for someone who’s been married awhile. A husband can hurt your feelings, be inconsiderate, uncaring, abusive, irritating, or negligent. He can say or do things that pierce your heart like a sliver. And every time you start to pray for him, you find the sliver festering. It’s obvious you can’t give yourself to praying the way God wants you to until you are rid of it.

You have the means to establish a hedge of protection around your marriage because Jesus said, “Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 18:18). You have authority in the name of Jesus to stop evil and permit good. You can submit to God in prayer whatever controls your husband—alcoholism, workaholism, laziness, depression, infirmity, abusiveness, anxiety, fear, or failure— and pray for him to be released from it.

Also, Tami Chelew could not believe what happened after she got serious on talking to God about her husband. She cried, "God! Dan is yours ; please take charge of his life, because I can’t do it anymore". She said:

“I've seen God take our prayers and answer them beyond anything we could have hoped for or imagined”

Stormie Omaritan continued:

I confess right now that there was a time when I considered separation or divorce. This is an embarrassing disclosure because I don’t believe either of those options is the best answer to a troubled marriage. I believe in God’s position on divorce. He says it’s not right and it grieves Him. The last thing I want to do is grieve God. But I know what it’s like to feel the kind of despair that paralyzes good decision making. I’ve experienced the degree of hopelessness that causes a person to give up on trying to do what’s right. I understand the torture of loneliness that leaves you longing for anyone who will look into your soul and see you.

I’ve felt pain so bad that the fear of dying from it propelled me to seek out the only immediately foreseeable means of survival: escape from the source of agony. I know what it’s like to contemplate acts of desperation because you see no future. I’ve experienced such a build-up of negative emotions day after day that separation and divorce seemed like nothing more than the promise of pleasant relief.

The biggest problem I faced in our marriage was my husband’s temper. The only ones who were ever the object of his anger were me and the children. He used words like weapons that left me crippled or paralyzed. I’m not saying that I was without fault—quite the contrary. I was sure I was as much to blame as he, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I pleaded with God on a regular basis to make my husband more sensitive, less angry, more pleasant and less irritable.

But I saw few changes. Was God not listening? Or did He favor the husband over the wife, as I suspected?

After a number of years, with little change, I cried out to the Lord one day in despair, saying, “God, I can’t live this way anymore. I know what you’ve said about divorce, but I can’t live in the same house with him. Help me, Lord.” I sat on the bed holding my Bible for hours as I struggled with the strongest desire to take the children and leave. I believe that because I came to God in total honesty about what I felt, He allowed me to thoroughly and clearly envision what life would be like if I left: Where I would live, how I would support myself and care for the children, who would still be my friends, and worst of all, how a heritage of divorce would affect my son and daughter. It was the most horrible and unspeakably sad picture. If I left I would find some relief, but at the price of everything dear to me. I knew it wasn’t God’s plan for us.

As I sat there, God also impressed upon my heart that if I would deliberately lay down my life before His throne, die to the desire to leave, and give my needs to Him, He would teach me how to lay down my life in prayer for Michael. He would show me how to really intercede for him as a son of God, and in the process He would revive my marriage and pour His blessings out on both of us. We would be better together, if we could get past this, than we could ever be separated and alone. He showed me that Michael was caught in a web from his past that rendered him incapable of being different from what he was at that moment, but God would use me as an instrument of His deliverance if I would consent to it. It hurt to say yes to this and I cried a lot. But when I did, I felt hopeful for the first time in years.

I began to pray every day for Michael, like I had never prayed before. Each time, though, I had to confess my own hardness of heart. I saw how deeply hurt and unforgiving of him I was. I don’t want to pray for him. I don’t want to ask God to bless him. I only want God to strike his heart with lightning and convict him of how cruel he has been, I thought. I had to say over and over, “God, I confess my unforgiveness toward my husband. Deliver me from all of it.”

Little by little, I began to see changes occur in both of us. When Michael became angry, instead of reacting negatively, I prayed for him. I asked God to give me insight into what was causing his rage. He did. I asked Him what I could do to make things better. He showed me. My husband’s anger became less frequent and more quickly soothed. Every day, prayer built something positive. We’re still not perfected, but we’ve come a long way. It hasn’t been easy, yet I’m convinced that God’s way is worth the effort it takes to walk in it. It’s the only way to save a marriage.

Truthfully speaking, there is so much at stake if you don’t pray. Some women will rather pray for themselves and their children only. If you are selfish enough to pray for yourself leaving your husband out, you can never find fulfillment and blessing you want. It is just to say that you are praying for your left side of the body leaving the right side, consequently, the right side which is not sustained and protected will fall and when that happens it bring down the left side with it.

To be continued...

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